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The Life and Marriage of Ranma Saotome
Ranma Saotome wasn't nervous. Heck-Ranma Saotome didn't GET nervous. Ranma Saotome was a brick.
"Yeah, right," he muttered, rolling his eyes-and cracking his knuckles. The incessant popping had finally driven his father from the room.
"They say that cracking your knuckles can cause arthritis," Nabiki had stated matter-of-factly that morning. At this point, Ranma didn't really care. It couldn't cause arthritis before this afternoon, therefore was not worth thinking about.
What really mattered-ALL that really mattered-was that Ranma was to be married. Today. To Akane Tendo. Kuno didn't know. Kodachi didn't know. Ukyo didn't know. Ryoga wasn't within a hundred mile radius, therefore Ranma doubted he knew. Shampoo didn't know. Mousse did. But only so he wouldn't try to kill Ranma today. At least HE was happy.
Genma would be there. Soun, too. Nodoka, with a full supply of tissues. Nabiki and Kasumi, naturally. Dr. Tofu, preferably out of the line of sight with Kasumi. Akane and the priest of course, and, no duh, Ranma himself. That was all. No hassle. A quick service, as Soun had explained, and it would all be over.
'Sounds like an execution,' Ranma thought dryly. He glanced at the rented tux he had thrown over a chair.
There was a knock on his door. "We leave for the chapel in ten minutes. Tell Akane," came Nabiki's smug voice. Ranma frowned. As her footsteps faded, Ranma left his room and walked to Akane's room. Not bothering to knock, he opened the room and walked in. Akane, sitting at her desk, spun around with a gasp.
"Ranma! Why didn't you knock, you jerk?! I could have been getting dressed or something!"
"Nothing I haven't seen before," Ranma replied, leaning against the doorframe.
"Pervert!"
"Tomboy."
Akane glared at him hatefully. "Get out of my room."
Ranma ignored her. "Get your junk together. We're leaving in ten minutes."
"Whatever." Akane turned away from Ranma and picked up her veil. "I hate this. I don't want to get married," she muttered. She placed the veil on her head and adjusted it slightly. A wreath of pale roses encircled her head like a crown, with a light, transparent veil falling almost to her feet. But her eyes were dark with anger.
'She'll be really pretty in that dress,' Ranma thought, sadly. He had seen it only once. For some reason, Kasumi had decided that a second try at a wedding deserved a new dress. Ranma didn't see why. There was nothing wrong with the one she'd worn before. Ranma had tried to imagine, last night while he was laying awake, what would have happened had they been wed that first time. Things had seemed alright for a while, even after that disaster, but Akane seemed to have soured towards him.
"Why are you still here? Go away!" Akane's voice brought Ranma back to the present. With a shrug, he turned on his heel and left the room.
"Ranma, where's Akane?" Kasumi asked. Ranma shrugged.
"In her room, I guess."
"No, she's not, I checked. You don't think she ran away, do you?"
"She couldn't have. All the doors are being guarded by our families, remember?"
"Well, she's gone. Look upstairs for her, will you?"
"Ok." Ranma headed up the stairs to look for his fiancee. 'Smart girl,' he thought to himself. He looked into Akane's room. No one there. But the window was open. Walking over to it, Ranma listened carefully until he thought he could make out sounds coming from the dojo. Smiling to himself, he jumped out onto the roof, careful not to alert the attention of the gestapo posted below.
Akane smashed her fist into the wall, very nearly smashing through. She heard the door slide open behind her, but didn't bother to look. She knew it was Ranma.
He stood, watching his wife-to-be doing her best to smash the dojo, until she stopped, panting.
"This isn't fair," she said at last, her voice breaking. "I don't want to have my husband picked for me!"
"In case you had forgotten, I didn't choose to marry you, either," Ranma reminded her. Akane merely shook her head.
"It's not fair...Ever since I was little, I wanted to find someone special...have a boyfriend...and when I agreed to marry someone, it would be for love. Not for the STUPID Tendo School of Anything Goes Martial Arts," Akane spat the words like a curse.
"I know what you mean. About that last part, anyway. But there's something I still don't understand. Why didn't you put up this big of a fight last time? I mean, if everything had gone the way it was supposed to, we'd be married already." Akane didn't reply. "Akane?"
"I'll tell you WHY!" Akane shouted suddenly, turning to face him. "THAT was when I thought you loved me!" Ranma was shocked. Akane stood facing him, as tears started to fall down her cheeks. She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut and turned away from him again. "Married people...are supposed to love each other..." she whispered, so quietly he almost didn't hear. Her head turned towards him slightly. "Aren't they...?"
It was a question, but not the one she was really asking. Ranma swallowed hard. Akane's face was turned away from him again, so he wouldn't see her cry, but her shoulders were shaking, giving her away. Without a word, Ranma walked up to her and took her hand, slowly turning her to face him. "Yeah..." he said, slowly. "They are."
There was nothing else he could say. Or maybe there was, and he simply didn't know how to say it. At any rate, as Akane's eyes looked sadly into his own, Ranma knew he couldn't leave her like this. He looked into her eyes and suddenly felt completely lost. He could feel himself drifting closer to her, and she to him, and she tilted her face up towards his and he knew he was really going to finally kiss her . . . until the dojo door slid open. In one swift movement, Ranma and Akane were ten feet apart, facing in opposite directions.
"I FOUND THEM!" Nabiki announced loudly. "C'mon, you two, this isn't funny. We're all gonna be late."
"K." Ranma headed towards the door, casting a glance over his shoulder at Akane. She met his gaze levelly, but her face was flushed. Ranma had to turn away then, lest Nabiki think something was amiss.
Ranma tugged on his collar. Tuxedos, he decided, were made this way simply to restrict movement and keep grooms from running away so easily. Now he ambled towards the woman's changing room and knocked.
"Who's there?"
"Everybody decent?" Ranma asked, ignoring the question completely.
"Well, yeah, but-"
Ranma opened the door. Akane gave a little shriek. "Ranma, you jerk, you're not supposed to be in here!"
Ranma blinked. "Why not? You're dressed."
"Boys," Nabiki shook her head.
"Look, could you two go away for a minute? I need to talk to Akane." Kasumi and Nabiki exchanged glances but obeyed. As the door closed, Ranma caught it and hurled a small tape player out after them. "And take your bugs WITH you, Nabiki!"
"Darn!"
He closed the door and turned to Akane with a sigh. She eyed him warily. "What do you want? If this has anything to do with what happened in the dojo-"
"It doesn't. I mean, it does, but it doesn't." Akane raised an eyebrow at him. Ranma sighed. "Akane, look...seeing as how we're gonna be married in about twenty minutes...I just...I wanted to tell you...See, I thought you should know..." Akane sighed impatiently. Ranma ran what he had been going to say through his mind, but then tossed it out. He'd never make it if he couldn't improvise. So he did. He squared his shoulders and looked Akane in the eye. "Akane," he began, bravely, "I . . . ."
" . . . Yes?" Akane prompted when he failed to continue.
"I . . . I do love you, Akane," he finished simply. Then he turned and left quietly, leaving Akane speechless behind him.
It was entirely possible that Ranma was going to be sick. He stood by the altar, cracking his knuckles again, fully expecting any one of the walls to collapse at any moment and Shampoo come stormclouding into the church. Or to be hit from behind with a giant umbrella. Or a bucket of cold water. Now wouldn't THAT just take the cake.
Cake! Why hadn't he thought of that sooner!? He'd seen it on t.v. before, people jumping out of cakes. Of course!
Then Akane appeared through the doors at the end of the aisle. Ranma froze. 'W . . .Wow. She's really pretty,' he suddenly realized. 'Hmm..and she looks incredible in that dress.' Then he noticed that Akane's face was tight with stress. 'Aw . . . Akane,' he thought sadly. He noticed how quickly she walked up the aisle and decided that she was as nervous as he was. She reached him then, and looked into his face briefly, but her expression was totally unreadable. They faced the priest and pretended to be hearing what he said. As he intoned some emotional pearls of wisdom, Ranma felt Akane trembling next to him.
"Ranma..." she whispered, so quietly, he wasn't sure he heard her. His eyes darted in her direction and back.
"What?" He whispered back, keeping his eyes on the minister. No fear. The man was oblivious.
"Did you mean it? What you said?" Akane asked, her voice so low, Ranma had to strain to catch her words. Fighting back his panic, Ranma swallowed hard.
"Yeah."
He felt Akane take in a deep breath and let it out again. He focused on the preacher's balding head. "Ranma?" came a very, very tiny voice from his left.
"Yeah?"
"...I love you too." Ranma turned to gape at her then, his mouth falling open slightly. Akane smiled at him shyly, then jerked her head slightly towards the priest. Ranma turned back, with a totally flabbergasted look on his face.
"I think someone's coming," Genma hissed in a loud stage whisper. "Hurry it up!"
"Umm..Alright...Ranma Saotome, do you vow to cherish this woman with all your soul, to care for her needs, to remain faithful, forsaking all others until death do you part?"
"Huh?! I thought you were supposed to ask me if I wanted to marry her."
"Ranma!" Akane cried. Ranma winced. The priest rolled his eyes, giving a weary sigh.
"Oh, very well. Do you want to marry her?"
Ranma looked down at his feet. Then his eyes stole up to Akane's face and he smiled shyly. "Yeah."
Akane's eyes filled with tears. 'Ranma..."
"Do you, Akane Tendo, vow to.." There was a muffled screech and a smashing sound from somewhere outside.
"HURRY IT UP!!"
"Uh, yes...Akane Tendo, do you vow...oh, forget it. Do you want to marry him?" the priest asked, jabbing his thumb in Ranma's direction.
Akane smiled. "Yes."
CRASH!
"HURRY, YOU HAVEN'T GOT MUCH TIME!!" Shouted the fathers.
The priest looked a little startled. "Have you the wing?" he stammered, then face-faulted. Ranma blinked.
"Oh, yeah! Sorry!" Reaching into his pocket, Ranma fished around until he found what he was looking for. Holding up the gold band he took Akane's hand, then hesitated, looking into her eyes nervously. She nodded slightly then, and Ranma slid the ring onto her hand. She took it's partner then from his trembling hand and slid it into it's place on his left hand.
CRAASH!!
Soun and Genma leaped to their feet. "MAN AND WIFE, SAY MAN AND WIFE!!"
The priest stepped back. "M-man and wife..." Regaining his composure to some degree, he leaned forward.
"You may kiss your bride," he whispered to Ranma, who blushed. Akane's hand, still clasped in his own now tightened. He slid it out of her grasp and slowly lifted her veil. Akane's face was streaked with tears, but she was smiling and Ranma knew everything was alright. Even after what had happened, Ranma was suddenly feeling terribly shy in the presence of this pretty girl . . . who finally belonged to him. Akane saw him hesitate, and seemed to understand. But not for nothing had Akane spent all this time waiting for him. Reaching up, Akane took Ranma's face in her hands and pulled him towards her, bringing their lips together in nothing less than a solid, real, honest-to-goodness kiss. Ranma mumbled something unintelligible, feeling his heart rate double. Triple, maybe. His hands were trembling.
But . . . oh, but this felt so . . . good. So natural. And completely . . . right. Ranma put his arms around Akane's waist, and she put hers around his neck, pulling him forward. Ranma was so awed and bewitched by this feeling of utter rightness, that he didn't even panic when Akane's lips parted. He was just deciding that he could give up breathing forever to continue kissing her like this when --
CRASHHH!!!
Ranma pulled away slightly, very reluctantly. "Let's get out of here while we can," he muttered. Akane's chest was heaving, and her face was flushed. She took a deep breath and let it out quickly. Ranma's heart jumped again as Akane smiled the sweetest, most beautiful smile in the world up at him and placed her hand in his.
"Alright, Ranma. I'm ready."
Seconds later, the doors flew open admitting a stampede of newly ex-fiancees and admirers, armed with maces, bokkens, bonbori, umbrellas, spatulas, tea kettles and buckets of cold water.
But the bride and groom had disappeared for safe-keeping on an emergency honeymoon.
Epilogue
"I can't believe we actually got married," Akane said, holding her beringed hand out in front of her. Ranma had carried her safely away to a residential district several miles from the chapel. Now they sat side by side on somebody's roof.
Ranma hugged his knees, rocking back and forth. "Yeah, well, you didn't think our fathers were ever gonna give up, did you?"
"No, not really," Akane sighed. "But I shudder to think of what everyone is gonna do to us."
"Oh, yeah, like we haven't lived through unholy terrors before," Ranma rolled his eyes. He looked over at Akane. "Hey, what are you doing?"
"Looking at my ring." Akane took the gold band in her fingers and turned it slowly around. It was very simple, but Akane thought she noticed something written on the inside. She revolved it as she read. "Ai, Itsumo...Ranma." She looked up at him. "Did you do this?"
Ranma squirmed. "I just told 'em what to write, that's all. See, mine's the same." Sliding it off, he handed it to her.
"Ai Itsumo, Akane," she read. She stared at Ranma. "When did you have these made?"
"I, ah...well, a couple days ago."
"Ranma, that's really sweet." She handed his ring back and he put it on.
"Well, don't sound so surprised."
Akane smiled, sliding her own ring back into place. "Sorry." A pause. "So...I guess we're married now."
"Yeah. I guess so."
"Ranma?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks...for telling me...I mean...I'm glad you . . . t-told me . . . before our actual wedding. I don't think...I don't think I could have gone through with it, if I hadn't thought...you cared."
"Stupid," Ranma shook his head, but his voice held no malice. Reaching out, he tapped the tip of her nose. "Did you actually think I'd ever even consider marrying someone I didn't love?" Akane opened her mouth to reply, but nothing came out. Ranma smiled. "I didn't think so." He paused for a moment, then said, "Um. . .Akane?"
"Yes?"
"Why. . .why didn't you put up a fight? I mean, there was no water this time. I didn't think you'd ever want to marry someone who. . ." Ranma bowed his head. "Someone who was. . .you know. . .cursed."
"Oh, Ranma, don't be stupid!" Ranma lifted his head and blinked. Akane shook her head. "Don't you know that doesn't matter to me? I . . . I love you the way you are."
"R-really?"
"Really."
"Akane, I. . .I. . .thanks. . ." Suddenly, Ranma seemed to become shy again. "So, um. . .w-what do you wanna do now?"
"I don't know. . .whatever married people do, I guess. . ." When Ranma suddenly turned bright red, Akane realized the implications of what she'd just said. "Er, uh. . .th-that's not what I meant," she stammered, blushing.
"Yeah, I know," Ranma tried to shrug it off, but his scarlet cheeks gave him away. "D-do you wanna go home now?"
"I'm not sure. I'm kind of scared to go home, I mean, I'm sure everyone will be there waiting for us."
"I won't let anything happen to you," said Ranma, sincerely. Akane smiled at him.
"I know you won't. It's you I'm worried about."
"Oh. Well. . .what should we do?"
Akane was silent for a moment, then, with a slightly coy smile, she scooted over closer to her new husband.
"Let's just stay here for a while," she whispered, bringing her lips close to his for a kiss.
Ranma wasn't about to argue.
The End